I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
