The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
