I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
