How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
