so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
