Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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