What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
