Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
