There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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