the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Two words: nipple clamps
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