Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
