Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
