ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
