Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
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I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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