i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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