This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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