that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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