You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
