As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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