Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
