dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so let's talk penis.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
