i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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