taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
