If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
