Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
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that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
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I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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