I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
