hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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