You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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