I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize