Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
