dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
