just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
