I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
