sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
only you would photoshop your dick
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize