When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
