I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
