i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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