after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
