Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
