Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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