Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
