May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
