and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
