I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
