i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Randomize