If that was your dad, he is hot
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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