Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
