Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
