I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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