i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
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It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
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Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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