that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
