Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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