He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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