He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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