OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
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Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
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I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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