Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
