Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
